Wank - Entry 1

This commences my 10 part blog on things are are total wank.

Crocs*:

Not only are these shoes horrible to gaze upon, i'm pretty sure they cause the wearer to start using words like 'yous' (as in "yous guys are wankers"), 'bro' (as in "I speak like a retard, bro") or 'cuz' (as in "spare us 20c for some fags will ya cuz?") which I think we can all agree is worthy of a swift and painful thrashing.

These shoes are, and i dont think i've over-exaggerating, soley responsible for everything that is wrong with every generation that has put up with them, and every generation that has been or will be.

Modelled after clogs (possibly the stupidest and most uncomfortable of shoes), these shoes were destined for commercial failure right fromt he start. I mean, why go to the trouble of specifically designing footwear to "mold to your feet, be resistant to bacteria and fungus, have an orthotic heel, built-in arch support and tarsal bar position to give your feet for ultimate foot comfort and health" and then call them clogs? If someone came up to you and asked you to buy clogs, what would be the first thing that went through your mind? I thought of big hulking wooden shoes. The opposite of comfort.
Oh, but wait! These shoes are made from a space age material - Closed Cell Resin (PCCR). Does that make you want to wear them? I know I like my shoes to be made from bizarre materials.

These shoes are a plague. Tie a big rock to your pair (if you own them....or if you don't) and throw them in a lake.
On the Wank-o-meter, these babies are off the scale.

*the animal after which the shoe is named is not total wank, but super cool. Still run from either croc should you see them however.